.

Ghét nhất cảm giác như bây giờ
Cô đơn tới mức cảm giác như mình chẳng còn ai cả
Người yêu nằm cạnh cũng không đem lại gì
Bạn bè ai cũng mỗi người một việc, mỗi người một mối lo, bố mẹ cũng trăm tỉ việc, cảm thấy mình thừa thãi
Lo lắng cho người ta nhưng người ta có nhận đâu... nửa thấy giận nửa thấy buồn
Không muốn nói chuyện với ai cả vì có vẻ không ai hứng thú
Có phải là đã mất tất cả rồi không?
Do bản thân mình hay do người ta không đủ để mình có thể mở lòng? Muốn khóc và kể về những gì mình đang phải trải qua nhưng chẳng thể tìm được động lực để bắt đầu
Khó khăn thế nào có ai hiểu được không?
Muốn được ở một mình nhưng sợ rằng nếu ở một mình thì sẽ chết mất...
Vì sao mọi thứ bỗng nhiên trở nên khó khăn như vậy?
Cứ tưởng rằng mình đã có mọi thứ mình cần rồi nhưng hóa ra mình vẫn trắng tay như vậy thôi!
Là do bản thân... phải không?
Chẳng còn gì cũng chẳng còn ai cả... chẳng thể tự cười vào mặt mình nữa
Bất lực lắm... chỉ biết khóc và khóc thôi!
Ghét cảm thấy yếu đuối, ghét sự yếu đuối đằng sau vỏ bọc mạnh mẽ của mình...

Never have I ever...

Today I feel everything at once.

I feel my own loneliness :)

How to know that he is not that into you :/

I read an article today saying "5 signals proving that he is completely love you"

1. Texting: It is said that if he texts you everyday every time, he loves you truly. Because men dont like texting so if he texts you a lot, it means he misses you most of the time. Ok he does this. He sends me messages as soon as he wakes up and always says good night. 
2. Keeping promises: If he always accomplishes what he promises to you, he loves you truly. Sometimes men forget what they have promised to others, but if you are not just someone, he will remember it and try his best to fulfill it. He has never promised me anything, we dont have any commitment with each other. Maybe he is not the type of man who likes making promises. I didnt notice this until i read the article but yes he has never promised me anything, even the smallest thing I could think of (even smoking).
3. Taking care of you even the smallest thing: If he helps you to wear shoes, gives you a scarf when you cough or gives you his jacket when it's cold, he loves you truly. Men like being gallant to women, but just the special ones get the most special and careful treatment. There are times he giving me his jacket because i feel cold but not really often because i think i know how to take care of my own self. 
4. Building trust: He might be an extrovert but whenever he is with you, if he just has his eyes on you, he loves you truly. Nothing is more important in a relationship than trust. We dont have that. I feel insecured about him, always. He doesnt seem like a womanizer but i still dont trust him. I dont like sharing. What is mine is only mine. He shouldnt treat other girls the same way he treats me. If there is something unique for just 2 of us, it should stay fucking unique until we are not together anymore. And he just simply doesnt know how to do it.
5. Letting you interpret his life: If he wants you to meet his friends, he loves you truly. I have been introduced to his friends, at least the ones I know, not literally but technically. He doesnt hide our relationship but his parents dont know about it. My Mom knows because I want everyone to know I am with him now (in case he tries to hook up a girl). We dont public it on FB, I partly dont want to public everything but he has never asked. 

He has 2,5/5 ....
I dont know.... Half of me wants to continue and the other wants to stop. I dont feel safe in this relationship, but i dont feel risky!

Oct 9th 2015

Today i want to be alone

I want to smoke alone on the roof of Arnaud

Today is another day i feel nothing at all...

Arnaud

I met you on Sep 16th 2015 accidentally.
I am glad I asked Alex about the party at Calle because he asked me to come to your predrinking, where I met you.

You are such a cute boy...

I like your smile. I like your dimple. I like your beard. I like everything about you, even your fcking thin body and your funny English pronounciation. French guys must have easy lives ^^

I like you even when I have seen you getting high, acting like a totally dumb shit. You are still cute anyway (how can that be possible?)

You make me laugh and smile a lot whenever I'm with you. You are like a weed for me and I happen to like smoking weed!

the perks of being a wallflower

thu anh suggested me watch this movie in the afternoon today while we were having coffee and i watched it

from the very first minutes, i felt very familiar and i found out that i had watched it before, fully

i have no idea why i think i havent watched this incredible movie before, when in fact i have, seriously

and after watching it, i have so many feelings and emotions, right now, i am feeling so many things at once. and i just want to write something down

at this point, i suddenly see life in a better way, a more positive way

and i wonder, will i feel infinite when i come to finland? there will be beach, i can go for a walk along the seaside whenever i want, there will be white sand and blue sea, will there?

i cried a bit while watching the movie, when........ hey i dont remember the main actor's name.... thats weird. so yeah when he started to feel bad again after sam and patrick'd left, i shed a few tears. i dont know why, but tears just came out and i felt lucky

i felt lucky because i dont have any traumatic memories that i shouldnt remember, i just live

i am a cursory person. i barely have strong feelings towards anything. i dont have a profound memory or something to tattoo on my body. sometimes i feel nothing at all. but once in awhile, i feel everything at once, although it doesnt tend to last long

and i must admit, i am now feeling a lot of emotions, but i dont know how to express even one of them.